Dear Pope Benedict,

I know you probably long for the good old days of the Inquisition, or more recently the Third Reich.  It must have been nice to have complete control of every thing and every one, most especially women, whom you believe are responsible for sin.  Well, that's tough, eh?  You don't get to call the shots in the USA.  You never actually did, and I know that's probably a thorn in your side, what with the Protestant formation of the country and all.   Oh yeah then there was that little Revolutionary War where the colonists rejected being ruled by a monarchy.  Too bad, so sad for your type!  

So when you come around to our politicians and try to impose your medieval mindset, we tend to bristle a little.  

VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI on Wednesday told U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, a Catholic who supports abortion rights, that Catholic politicians have a duty to protect life "at all stages of its development."

Pelosi is the first top Democrat to meet with Benedict since the election of Barack Obama, who won a majority of the American Catholic vote despite differences with the Vatican on abortion.

The Vatican released the pope's remarks to Pelosi, saying Benedict spoke of the church's teaching "on the dignity of human life from conception to natural death." That is an expression often used by the pope when expressing opposition to abortion.

Benedict said all Catholics — especially legislators, jurists and political leaders — should work to create "a just system of laws capable of protecting human life at all stages of its development."

Kindly mind your own business.  Why not have a eunuch get you a nice glass of wine, kick off your Prada loafers and put your feet up for a while?  Forget about the things you don't have control over anymore - like American women.  Focus on the things you do have power over, say, pedophile priests?  I know they're getting harder and harder to replace because no sane person wants to live as a celibate in an antiquated organization taking orders from an ex-Nazi in velvet and furs, claiming to be God's Authority on Earth, but surely if you put your mind to it you can come up with a solution.  Other than moving them around from parish to parish, I mean.  

Sincerely,

Dr. Prole

P.S. Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Emporer Palpatine, but a little scarier?